Motherhood: My Choice

Motherhood. I chose motherhood (I remember the moment I realized I was ready for it). I still choose it. I choose it willingly, happily, over other things that I could be doing. I choose not to work outside of the home, but stay at home and play. I choose to keep my home clean, beautiful, spiritual, and healthy. I choose to use every bit of education that I have pursued to benefit my children and myself.

I am so fortunate to be able to do this.

I also know what I gave up to do this. I gave up a well-paid, full time job as a graphic designer. I was good at that job. I am still good at that job. I gave up the ability to travel on a whim. To dine out when and wherever I want, at fancy places where double strollers can't fit. I liked to do those things. But I am happy to give them up for a while. I gave up a fancy working girl's wardrobe (or rather, packed it away in my closet for now). I gave up insensible foot wear (for the most part). I gave up a lot of sleep.

I gave up laziness. I gave up selfishness. I gave up the part of me that was happy to go through my life thinking only of my little world, for a new world that has opened up before me like none I could have imagined for myself.

It is my choice. No one else's. I choose this life, and I choose to love it. I choose the right. The right for me. For my children. And I know that I am blessed because of it.

You are the trip I did not take;
You are the pearls I cannot buy;
You are my blue Italian lake;
You are my piece of foreign sky.
(“To My Child,” quoted in Charles L. Wallis, ed., The Treasure Chest [1965], 54)